chris leavins

The News

Kayleigh from DC writes: "...Hey Chris, I'm sure under the mountains of daily submissions, you do not remember my little flesh-craving Hildegaard, but I thought I would send you an update on the progress of her puppyhood. In one week exactly, she'll have officially reached six months, and in one week exactly, she's going in to have her puppy tubes tied. We broke the news to her today, which I rather think explains the look of alarm. I looksforward to the day, in the rather foolish hope that at least a fraction of her spastic behavior is hormone-driven, and the descimation of her reproductive system will chill her the fuck out. All the best,  Kayleigh, 22(teen), Washington DC."

What You Sick People Come Here For.

They're young, they're thin, and you're not. Sent by Joy in NEW YORK.

You people are sick.

I've gotten over 250 emails this week from people complaining about the broken bones, gore, and human suffering that was International Feel Sorry for Yourself Day. Fine. Here's what you sick people come here for. "Rossi" was sent by Kira in the UK.

The Lonely Lady.

Abby in SAN DIEGO writes: "...Hello Chris: I have wanted a Samoyed since I was 10. I was so lonely and now I have a friend."

Eater of Souls.

Taylor in BC writes: "...Hi Chris, You might remember Kichou the flying dog from back in December. I believed then that it was the levity of his spirit that gave him flight but now I see that I was gravely mistaken. It's clear that he's the harbinger of the end days and has come to pass final judgement on us all. Gaze if you dare into the eyes of his madness."

The Thinker.

"Lola". Psychokineticist. Sent by Natalie in TORONTO.

And how did that happen.

Jessika from CALIFORNIA writes: "...The puppy is Dolores Huerta and she is a 2 months old Chihuahua/ Rotweiler mix.

Feel My Puppy.

Ivy from WASHINGTON writes: "...This is my adorable puppy Bianca… My husband and I watch your show every week and love what you do. If only you would do a show in Spokane Washington.. *hint hint* Think about it! You should put her on your show… She’s cute! Ivy, WA."

Craves Human Flesh

22 year old Kayleigh in DC writes: "...This is our new puppy Hildegard. Hildy enjoys eating like a horse, screaming her head off whenever her person of choice (yours truly) leaves whatever room she is currently inhabiting, and gnawing on human flesh. We enjoy dressing her up in sickeningly adorable pink sweaters in revenge."

Puppies, Bitch.

Dr Mel is a veterinarian in MAINE who has been officially designated as a bitch by teen girl rat owners the world over (See CWC Episode 184). Last night he delivered a litter of puppies. He writes: "...Last night this bitch helped another bitch deliver this. Who is also a bitch, bitch."